


Yahoo! Answers: A Valuable Resource for a Lovestruck Consulting Detective

by LORDSHITTY



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Feelings, Fluff, Happy Ending, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Pining Sherlock, Requited Love, Sherlock Being Sherlock, Sweet Sherlock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-04
Updated: 2014-06-05
Packaged: 2018-02-03 08:14:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1737626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LORDSHITTY/pseuds/LORDSHITTY
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock Holmes loves John Watson, he has for years. However, he hasn't decided whether or not he'll tell the man how he truly feels. In a last-ditch effort, the detective consults Yahoo! Answers' brilliant community to see whether or not he should spill the beans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some of the response are legitimate posts taken from Yahoo! Answers and edited slightly to make them fit the story. The usernames have been changed, however.

**February 6th, 2014, 9:34 AM**

 

**Filed Under: _Family & Relationships > Singles & Dating_**

 

**The Internet is a terrible resource, but it is the only one I have left.**

 

**sleuth:**

 

I do not know what to do. I am feeling something I’ve never felt, and I have come to this insipid site to find some answers - it is called Yahoo! Answers, after all.

 

Four years ago, I met a man named John.

 

He seemed different; he stood tall - despite his psychosomatic limp - his head was tilted ever-so-slightly, as if he wanted to own the room around him. I instantly liked him.

 

We moved in together the next day, and later that evening, John told me I was amazing after deducing his life.

 

I was instantly hooked.

 

It took less than seven months of hands-on experience, cataloguing, experimentation, hundreds of Google searches, and some heavy-reading for me to determine that I was “falling” for John.

 

Now, I am absolutely certain that I love him, and I do not know what to do; he is set to marry his fiancée in July, and I have not informed him of how I feel.

 

I do not know if this will aid in anyone’s decisions, but I will include a brief description of John:

\- 5’6.5”

\- Dark blue eyes (a past girlfriend described them as being “like the sky just before it turns black at night.”)

\- Greying blond hair.

\- When facial hair grows in, it comes in a brown colour with flecks of grey; #5B4535 and #C2C2C2.

\- Bullet wound on left shoulder.

\- Skin is slightly tanned, around #F6CEA2.

\- Very pleasant, very caring and empathetic; works as a doctor.

\- Tolerant and accepting.

\- Intelligent.

\- Brilliant.

\- Not quick to become angry, except in extreme cases (i.e. severed heads in the fridge, use of illicit substances in his living space, etc.)

 

Surely that is enough?

 

I will also mention that, after some pondering, I have decided that John has had previous relations with a man he knew while stationed in Afghanistan. It isn't certain, but I am rarely wrong.

 

So, is it even appropriate for me to tell him, now that he’ll soon be someone’s husband? Should I act now before it is too late, or keep how I feel tucked away in the back of my head and leave John in the dark?

 

I have tried to make a decision myself, but I have been unsuccessful. Many times I have hinted at my feelings, but John does not seem to realise what I am saying.

 

Perhaps I should mention that John believes that I cannot and will not fall in love with anyone because I am incapable/married to my work. That is completely disproved, as I love him and I once felt… Something towards a certain woman.

 

As I stated at first, I need assistance in making a decision on my actions. I have made a spreadsheet which I will use to log in the following information:

\- People for/against revealing my affections.

\- People taking this post seriously/treating it as a joke.

\- How many “thumbs up”/”thumbs down” a response receives.

 

And so on, and so forth.

 

Essentially, my future is in the hands of random people living around the world. Most of you have IQs around average, but I anticipate that a good amount of the replies will be written by the village idiots.

* * *

**February 6th, 2014, 12:03 PM**

**jack_o_96:**

what’s with the hashtag and the letters and numbers stuff? you shouldn’t tell him you’re gonna ruin his relationship? seriously it’s a given, mate.

* * *

**February 6th, 2014, 12:30 PM**

**horsegal123:**

That’s so cute! IMO you should tell him, but do it now before the wedding. Like, he probably won’t feel anything for you because, like, he’s getting married, but you never know!! Maybe just have a guys night or something and then say you need to get something off your chest!! I really hope everything goes well, cause having a huuuuuge crush on someone sucks - especially when it’s a crush on someone like this!! Fingers crossed xxx

* * *

**February 7th, 2014, 2:59 AM**

**KYLEARSENALFCFAN2000:**

HE LIKES YOU I BET IF HES BEEN LIVING WITH YOU HE DEFINITELY THINKS OF YOU AS MORE THAN A FRIEND !!

If u dont really know what to say...use BODY LANGUAGE :)

Make EYES CONTACT..SMILING is ESSENTIAL :)

Try initiate some convo with him...Communication is important :)

and u can try telling him you like him, of course if u're brave enough just tell him how you feel casual :P :)

But Im a guy, and i think he SHOULD MAKE THE 1ST MOVE! So wait and see will him make the first move, if he dont, dont worry [ he is just shy xD and he should be because u know hes gonna get married omfg ] sometimes guys have to be brave too :)

Wish u all the best, have a nice day!

* * *

**REPLY TO: KYLEARSENALFCFAN2000 (February 7th, 2014, 2:59 AM)**

**February 7th, 2014, 5:18 PM**

**sleuth:**

Why is your style of writing so erratic? I would say it’s because you’re only fourteen, but most fourteen year-old boys aren’t completely stupid.

It may have been from lack of sleep, as you did reply to my post at nearly 3 o’clock in the morning, but you still managed to press the shift key to insert incessant emoticons. Don’t children have curfews?

Village idiots...

I digress. John does not feel anything towards me. He considers me his best and closest friend, and that is all. I have conducted numerous experiments to try and determine whether or not John has some hidden love for me, and all of them have run their course without discovering anything.

Also, I do not smile. Well, I _do_ but it isn’t a common occurence; John instigates most of my smiles and positive moods, and he hasn’t been around my flat as often because of his fianceé.

Lately I’ve been very moody - a friend of mine, Geoff, says I’m just “lovesick fool who needs to get over himself”. Oh, Gavin, there is no “getting over” John. Never.

Nonetheless, I will put your suggestions into motion. Thank you.

* * *

**REPLY TO: sleuth (February 7th, 2014, 5:18 PM)**

**February 8th, 2014, 9:45 AM**

**billy_boy:**

He just sees you as a good friend, so what’s the point in telling him?

* * *

**February 9th, 2014, 7:18 PM**

**hobbittrekker:**

uhmmmmmm creepy gay stalker much??? lmao O_o

* * *

**February 9th, 2014, 9:10 PM**

**giuliasimmons:**

I'm a girl. And if I guy was telling me he liked me. id wanna hear it like this....

*have a casual convo*

Then just be like there's something I've been wanting to tell you....

He'll say something like "ok what is it..?"

Then be like " i like you.... * Maybe name a Few Reasons why you like him* then be like I've been wanting to tell you this for a while"

I think he would like hearing it like that. It's be really nice and sweet. You just have to tell him while you have time bc you might lose the chance you have to tell him then your gonna wish you woulda told him sooner

But ya def do it soon and make it real nice and sweet. He might even call off his wedding if you do it just right

* * *

**February 9th, 2014, 11:11 PM**

**keegancarey1998:**

OK So I Just Published This Because It Was 11:11 So I’m Wishing That You Take My Advice And Tell John That You Love Him! Some People Are Good At Keeping Secrets, So He May Just Like You But Has To Hide It Because He’s Getting Married. Have Hope, Friend!

* * *

**REPLY TO: giuliasimmons (February 9th, 2014, 9:10 PM)**

**February 10th, 2014, 6:42 AM**

**sleuth:**

John is a 42 year-old man. I cannot take that approach with him - unless, of course, I want to make a fool out of myself.

My apologies to everyone else, as I have been very busy. I would take the time out of my day to reply to all of your, frankly useless, posts, but I can’t.

John and I have been working on something together, and it requires my rapt attention 93.8% of the time. I’m glad that we’re knee-deep in an investigation, actually. If it gives me more time with him, I’m happy.

He’s in the room with me right now, as a matter of fact. He’s chattering on about how he’s overjoyed that Graham - my friend I mentioned earlier - has found me some interesting work to do. Says that if I’d gone very much longer without anything to fuel the overworked hamster in my head, I would have rotted.

It is times like these that I wish he knew just how much I love him. John has helped me significantly, and I simply want to express my fondness and gratitude, but I can’t. Well, I can, but I am not sure that I want to; the last thing I need is for our friendship to fall apart because of some stupid confession of love. He is everything to me. I can’t risk it. I can’t, I can’t, _I can’t_.

* * *

**February 10th, 2014, 2:00 PM**

**xoxojennybaybexoxo:**

just come right out and tell him. just be like hey i think you're beyond beautiful and you're an amazing dude. i really like you. just thought id letcha know. aha idk just telll him how you feeeel!:)

* * *

**February 11th, 2014, 5:49 AM**

**MichaelRedSox:**

Being gay is a Sin, God Says so. Do not persue gay feeloings, please go to church and ask for jeSus to repent your sins and forgive you. He loves you adn will accept you into his heart aw slong as you admit taht you are wrong and need the help.

Leviticus 18:22 friend.. that is where God says you are wrong.

* * *

**February 13th, 2014, 11:19 AM**

**Jackie_Luvs_Hugz:**

Hey, babe, just do what you feel is right! You should tell him, and just say that he doesn’t have to bring it up again and stuff. Be happy, sweetie. If your heart says yes, follow it. If I hadn’t confessed to my wife that I loved her all those years ago, we wouldn’t be married! Girls can love girls, guys can love guys, you know how it goes.

* * *

**February 15th, 2014, 8:32 PM**

**Pxysetd_29293902xopor:**

 

GET UP TO $1500 INSTANTLY JUST SEARCH MONEY4FREE.NET AND RAKE IN THE $$$$$$$$$$$$$ FREE! NOT A SCAM

* * *

**February 16th, 2014, 2:04 PM**

**harryjennings90:**

just fuck him

****  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue

**REPLY TO: ALL**

**March 15th, 2014, 7:30 PM**

**sleuth:**

My thanks go out to all that replied to my post; even though all of your suggestions were utterly terrible, I made a decision.

 

On the 28th of last month, I invited John over for takeaway - Chinese, his favourite - and informed him that I had to tell him something that had been on my mind for a long time. He seemed intrigued, and stopped eating to pay attention to what I was about to say.

 

I told him everything; how I love him, how I’ve known from the beginning, how he is the most important person in my life, my conductor of life, etc. He seemed flattered. All in all, I babbled on for thirty minutes. I did not let one single piece of information stay unearthed. My chest was open, and everything poured out in waves.

 

He didn’t talk for fifteen minutes after that, but rather finished eating his lukewarm Cantonese chow mein agonisingly slow.

 

Considering the vulnerable and fragile state I was in at that time, I, naturally, assumed the worst was going to happen. John would finish eating and tell me I was stupid for feeling what I felt, tell me that I was just “confused” and needed to stop being an idiot. I broke out into a sweat watching that bloody man eat his disgusting Chinese takeaway off of that stupid styrofoam container with the awful plastic spork.

 

When John finished eating, he wiped off his mouth, pushed his container aside, and looked at me dead in the eyes. He asked me if I was telling the truth, that what I had spewed out wasn’t some elaborate ruse or an experiment. I said no, it wasn’t. I do not joke about my feelings. I rarely feel so strongly about other living, breathing human beings. He nodded and blinked.

 

At this point, I felt as if I was going to cry. I could taste the regret in my mouth, feel it make my throat constrict and make my eyes sting.

 

I looked away from John.

 

He reached out across the table and took my hand.

 

According to him, he wished I would have explained sooner, because “now he’s engaged, and he doesn’t know how well Mary,” his fianceé, “will take it if he tells her that they have to call it off.”

 

John took his sweet time divulging me in how he’s felt these few years, and how I broke his heart two and a half years ago.

 

I won’t go into excruciating detail on John’s speech, but it was heart-felt and legitimate. He did admit that he reciprocates my love, which is all that matters, if I am honest.

 

All in all, that evening was utterly perfect.

 

Now, John has split from his fianceé - Gavin calls me “homewrecker” now - and has moved 79.2% of his belongings back into our flat. We are living happily together, and he has been ensuring that I eat at least one piece of toast every morning, along with two cups of tea; John does hover a bit, doesn’t he?

 

We would have simply made minor changes to the criteria of John’s wedding plans, but my mother would prefer for us to wed in autumn.

 

Before any of you make an uneducated comment akin to “but you haven’t dated yet, why are you getting married?”, do finish reading this. We mutually agreed that the years we lived together would count as our dating period, and the days between now and September 19th. If we feel as if we need more time, we can do something about it, but for now, the date is set.

 

One last thing, which is directed at harryjennings90: it is best to work up to “just fucking him”. We did have sex in the end, though I cannot say that I was the one whom the verb applied to - that’s if you see “fucking” as the person who is not on the receiving end. Either way, there was some consummating done. I will not say any more, as I do not think John would appreciate me telling anonymous souls around the globe about his penis.

  
  


 

* * *

 

 

**REPLY TO: sleuth (March 15th, 2014, 7:30 PM)**

**March 15th, 2014, 8:07 PM**

**harryjennings90:**

 

shoutout to john for just fucking you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. I'll possibly be making this part of a series, so stay tuned for the potential follow-up and more different fics.


End file.
